Premonition
by isabellamasen02
Summary: I am Edward Cullen and this is my journal. She died. I've been trying to move on but time wouldn't. I'm stuck on the same freaking day that it kills me. I'm not crazy, but this situation isn't sane either. E x B. All human but it may change... RR w/ LOVE!
1. Chapter 1: Watch

**I got inspired when I saw the trailer. I never seen the movie yet but I guess I had an urge to write. Review :). I've never seen a fanfic like this before, I think. I never stumbled upon one. This is my second story. My first one is Promise, I'll be there. I hope you check that one out :D. **

**REVIEW IF YOU THINK I SHOULD CONTINUE THIS. THANKS :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I just wish I did. lol xD.**

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They say time heals all wounds. They say that as time goes by, the pain would eventually lessen. Yes, that is true and I agree that all you need for healing is time. It is one thing I wished I had.

**My name is Edward Cullen and this is my story.**

I was newly but happily married to the love of my life, my only girl, my Bella. She has the warmest brown eyes that I've ever seen. Her hair is soft and her scent, wow! No perfume in the world could match her. She reminds me of roses, especially freesia. She has the sweetest smile that would melt me in seconds. I thought that I had everything but I now, I blame myself for saying that so soon. I jinxed myself from my own happiness. I regret it.

I close my eyes and I could still hear her musical laughter that filled my ears. I felt a tear trickle as I write down in this journal. I just hope I won't lose this tomorrow. I never thought this would happen to me. The idea never entered in my mind in the first place.

I now write in this journal to prove my sanity. I could not ask for anyone's help. They would just say that I'm crazy. Trust me, I've been there and done that. At first I tried to tell them but now I knew it would just erase all of them. This journal is my only confidant.

I thought that the day would just be like the other days in my life. I forced every corner of my memory to remember that day, that day that brought me here. That day that gave me no future, no time, no change and no satisfaction.

We were walking along the sidewalk. We held each other's hand, we talked about everything. Nothing in particular really, our topics would just eventually pop up. That is one of the things I love about Bella, she's spontaneous. I was surprised to see a man out of nowhere. I put my arm around her to move her slightly backward, to protect her from the stranger really. He was old. His hair was white and his skin is wrinkled. He was wearing a long black robe. I find it extremely weird that he chose that kind of outfit and he was walking along the city sidewalk. Halloween is too far to be dressing up for it. That wasn't the most extraordinary feature that I have seen, his eyes really got into me. It was full of pity and sadness yet it has the most beautiful color, emerald green and it was gleaming. To my surprise, he took my hand and placed something cold. I jumped. I looked at the object he placed in my hand, it was an antique pocket watch. I looked back to face him but he was gone.

I stared at my hand when I felt something warm around my waist. Her chin was on my shoulder, she was also appreciating the beauty of the watch.

_Si saprà solo col tempo._

Bella read it in perfect Italian. There was an engraving? I haven't noticed it. The beautiful script was carefully written on its cover.

"Only time would tell? What does that mean?" She sounded amused. She took the pocket watch from my hand.

"Beautiful!" She mused. She was mesmerized by its beauty.

"It's nothing compared to you love." I wrapped my arms around her. She giggled. I will miss that.

I continued on. "Only time would tell? Why is it given to me? I guess I should find that man…"

"I think you should keep it. The man gave it to you." I could see that the magic of the watch has already captured her.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Why would I need it?"

She shrugged and smiled. She's so unfair! Now I know why I always lose in our arguments and why she always wins with her whims. She looked so angelic. It would break my heart to see her frown.

_But now, I know why that watch has been given to me. Grief washed my heart. Loneliness filled my soul if I had some parts of left. I regret that I've ever asked that question._

_I wished I never did._

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**So, whaddya think? Suggestions, comments and criticisms are accepted.**

**heart heart. isabella masen 3**


	2. Chapter 2: August 13, 2009

**Hey. Check out my other story, Promise I'll be there. Well, this one is somewhat a more different kind of story compared to my other one. This is somehow supernatural, AU, drama etc. but I love it. (haha! because I made it!)**

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**and hey, don't steal my ideas.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own twilight but I bought a series which is technically mine! WHAHAHA :D**

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**August 13, 2009**

Today is my anniversary day with Bella. We are officially married for one year. I woke up with a smile on my face. I am going to love this day. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision and rolled over to the right side of the bed. I put out my hands to find what I need to feel.

Empty.

Weird. The sheets and the pillows greeted my morning. I frowned. _Where is she?_

Suddenly, an amazing aroma of pancakes and bacon filled the air. The door slowly opened and saw my beautiful angel, more lovely than I ever saw her. She was wearing my oversized shirt and her hair tied in a messy bun. I've never seen such unique beauty in my entire life. I smiled. _Why was I frowning in the first place again?_

She sat down beside me. Her scent of sweet freesias made my senses feel so light and work double-time.

She kissed me on the forehead and put the tray of pancakes and bacon in front of me. "Good morning handsome."

I pulled her in a tight hug and kissed her in the ear. "My morning is always great when I see you, love"

She giggled and hugged back.

"Happy anniversary!" She whispered in my ear.

I chuckled at her reaction. I released her and let her settle on my lap. I took a slice of pancakes and fed her some. I never broke eye-contact with her. She smiled after finishing her piece and leaned her face closer to mine. Her scent is so strong that it makes me high.

Slowly she put her lips on mine. Gently brushing, teasing and caring. I opened my mouth slightly to deepen the kiss. I could hear the raggedness of our breathing.

There's one thing I will never forget. She's my Bella and my personal heroine. I am addicted to her and I couldn't get enough.

She broke the kiss to catch her breath. I took the loose strands of hair away from her face and gently traced the outline of her face. Her cheeks were red because of her blush. I could feel the corners of my mouth twitch.

I will always have an effect on her and she would always make me drop down to my knees and beg.

She stood up. I groaned with disappointed.

She laughed and tapped my nose lightly. "Dinner tonight?"

I smiled. That would be our formal celebration of our special day. I never told her where we would go. It was a surprise.

"Yes love. Wear something formal."

She placed a chaste kiss on me before leaving the door. "I'll just pick up a few things in the store. I'll be back soon."

I stood up and placed my arms around her. I hugged her from behind. I leaned on her shoulder. "Love, I love you more than anything else in the world."

I felt her cheeks moved. She was smiling. She turned around and placed her hands around my neck. "I love you too."

We stared at each other's eyes for a while. No need for words, no movement, it's just us.

She took my hands away from her waist and grabbed them firmly. "Edward, I really need to go or else I would be late."

I laughed. How could she say something like that out of the blue when everything is so serious.

She sighed and kissed me on the cheek. "Bye." She whispered before she left.

I took a deep breath and finished the breakfast she prepared for me. Everything was scrumptious. I am so lucky to have her. I never thought she would be mine forever. I took the tray and fixed the bed. I went downstairs in the kitchen to wash the dishes. I am in the mood to do it manually. I have enough time to spare.

I took a new pair of rubber gloves from the supplies. I went towards the sink and placed the utensils, plates, glasses and all the others on a basin. I opened the faucet and let the water flow in my hands. I scrubbed the plates with a sponge and I stared at the window.

It was a sunny day. The skies were blue and everything was perfect. I smiled. I remember the last time I remember the skies seem perfect to me. One occasion stands out of my memory when I see this kind of day. It looks like the same sky I saw when I first took a look at Bella.

I remember it like yesterday_. I was in sophomore year then. I was under the tree listening to some music when I saw her. She seemed lost at the moment. She was frantically arranging small pieces of paper. I guess that would be her schedule. I have never seen her in campus before and it would be impossible that I would miss her. Her brown eyes were like deep chocolate. It was full of life and light. Her skin was the most beautiful kind of precious porcelain contrasting with her rich brown curly hair. _

_A strong breeze blew in her direction. Suddenly, her papers were flying towards me. Fate? What an amazing opportunity. I was about to exclaim victory in my head when she was speeding towards me. I didn't think she noticed me though. Before I could react, she tripped towards me. She fell on top of me, brushing her lips on mine. I was astonished. I just stared at her. She got up and laughed nervously. _

"_I'm so sorry. I didn't notice you were there. I'm new here. Oh crap! I'm such a klutz! I−" She started to babble but I needed to cut her. I need to know her name._

_I chuckled. I took out my hand and introduced myself. "I'm Edward Cullen. Don't worry, it's okay with me. No big deal but we have to be friends after this."_

_She blushed and put all the papers in her other hand so that she could shake mine. She has the most beautiful blush I've ever seen. Good thing, I don't blush often or I'll be in deep scarlet after seeing her like this. "Isabella Swan. You should call me Bella though."_

_I invited her to sit beside me. I learned that her next class was also mine so we would go together. I stared at the clouds. Suddenly I spoke my thoughts aloud. _

"_You know that was my first kiss." Did I just say that?! Shit, good job Edward. I mentally scolded myself. I looked at her, she was quiet. Did I just turned her off? I need to clean this up._

"_I'm so sorr−" I didn't even finish my apology when she started to talk. "It was mine too."_

_I looked at her in disbelief. She was so beautiful and she never kissed anyone yet. Impossible. She smiled and laid down next to me. All the embarrassment was gone. We started to talk about the shapes of clouds, the shades of colors and everything that surrounds us. I would never forget that experience. I fell in love with her the first time._

My thoughts were stopped because I accidentally cut my arm with the knife. It bled and it stung. I opened the faucet and poured running water on it to protect the open wound from getting infected. It was a normal procedure that was often repeated in medical school. I took some bandages after and cared for my wound. I am a doctor after all.

My phone rang. I looked at the screen. "Love". I immediately answered it.

"_Hey"_

"Hi to you too"

"_I'm coming home but I'm going to this coffee shop to buy their famous banana and coffee pie. Would you like anything else?"_

I snickered at her question. "You."

She cackled. _"Besides me of course."_

"Just keep yourself safe okay."

"_Edward I−"_ She gave a frightening scream. I heard something crash. Then the line went dead.

"Bella? BELLA! BELLA!" She didn't answer. Out of frustration, I threw my phone outside.

_What happened?_ I sunk down to my knees. _Bella. No. Bella._ Tears begun to fall furiously. _How can I be so helpless?_

My pager began to beep. I looked at the message. The message scared the shit out of me.

"**Car- crash between a Volvo and a Cargo Truck. We need all doctors ASAP."**

I couldn't help but blame myself. _It is my fault. If I didn't let her go to the store and if I didn't have a long conversation on the phone with her, this would've not happened. Damn. She was used my Volvo when she went out. Fuck! How the hell did these things happen to me?! It is our anniversary and I was about to give her the most beautiful sapphire necklace I have ever seen. We were supposed to be on a yacht, drinking champagne and laughing all night long. But now, my future is dark._

_**How will I live without my life?**_

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**Would you like to know what's next? haha. Just review and it will make it easier for both of us :)**


	3. Chapter 3: What the hell just happened?

**Thanks for the reviews. I was thinking of whether I should stop this because no one is reviewing. Good thing there are good people out there. Me loves you all! BWAHAHA.**

**So here's the continuation. Mind you, I will only update if there are reviews. If no one does well, sorry. **

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I didn't take time to stop and think. My brain isn't very helpful now so I let my instincts take over. I phoned a cab to take me to the hospital. The pain of waiting is excruciating especially when your life is dying and fading away as the clock ticks.

I heard the doorbell ring. Well, it's about time.

I opened the door to see the driver waiting by the doorway. I looked at him and he just stared at me.

That's it, the patient Edward is gone. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! CHRISTMAS?"

He jumped. He muttered his apology and literally ran to his sit to take me to my destination.

I think my sudden outburst made his speed faster than his usual. In no time, I was in the hospital. I was in a hurry and gave him a 100 dollar bill. I have no change and I have no time for his nervousness.

"Sir this−" I went out the cab without looking back and rushed at the entrance.

The day is honestly challenging me. The cause of my annoyance is there waiting for me. Only two words correspond to that, Jessica Stanley.

I walked passed her wishing that if I ignore her, she would just go away.

"Dr. Cullen. Good Morning! You have a number of patients lined up for today. I thought you were taking a leave? Well I think that−" She started babbling with an annoying high pitched voice.

"Would you mind if I say that you should just shut up?" I stopped my pace causing her to bump my back.

She looked down with embarrassment. I have too many things to take care of. I have no time for this. "Where is the patient who just got in, the one who had a car crash?"

She opened her folder and flipped a couple of papers. "In the emergency room."

I muttered a low "thanks" and went off.

I arrived to the door of the emergency room. I was stuck whether I should open the door or not. Suddenly, a nurse rushed out giving me a glimpse of the patient inside.

No, it couldn't be. Bella.

I ran to her side. Every doctor who was great in this hospital was there. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, it was my father, Carlisle.

"You should wait outside." He said with a calm voice.

"No."

"You couldn't handle this. You're too emotional, it is against our ethics."

I looked at him with blank eyes. I don't know how to react. I couldn't think properly.

"Please. As my son, follow me." He pleaded.

I took my last glimpse at Bella. She was covered in blood. A couple of scabs and flesh could be seen. To my surprise, she started shaking.

"DOCTOR! I THINK WERE LOSING HER!" A nurse shouted.

Carlisle pushed me towards the exit and rushed back at the scene.

I am there at the entrance, waiting. I felt someone hugged me.

"I'm so sorry Edward." Alice.

I couldn't reply. I am in shock. I have no voice to respond.

The door opened and Carlisle went out. "Edward, we did everything."

"NO!" I ran past him and saw the woman covered in white blanket. I do not believe this!

I pulled out the covers and saw her. She was pale. I touched her cheek, she didn't blush like the usual. She didn't even smile instead she remained unmoved.

I felt my body shake. Tears were coming out furiously. I couldn't form a coherent sentence. All I could mutter is no repeatedly.

My sister hugged me. She was crying too. I began to focus my anger at the innocent floor.

"Edward! Stop it!"

I don't know why but I collapsed. I lost my strength. This must be a nightmare.

--

"Edward…" Alice began. "I'm going to arrange her wake. I'll take care of everything."

I just nodded and mouthed thank you. I looked at her, she seemed lifeless and drained. Bella was her bestfriend. I cringed at the word "was". I couldn't believe it still.

"Just call me tomorrow Edward. Okay?" She pulled me up and guided me towards her car.

She drove me home in silence. We usually talk when we are together but nothing makes us feel happy nor amused as of this moment.

She pulled up to my house. "Do you want me to stay over?"

"Don't worry, I'm fine."

She gave me a faint smile and nodded understandingly. I went out and waved her goodbye. I watched her leave with a fake smile on my face so she wouldn't worry that much. She's still my baby sister.

I unlocked the door and looked around. Everything was dark and lifeless unlike before when Bella was here. I decided not to sell the house. Her every memory of being happy is here. This is our first house and Bella loved it. For her sake, I would live here.

I went to the bedroom. I brushed my teeth, took a quick shower and immediately changed. I lied down at the bed. It seemed so empty and wide. I need to get use to this. I have no choice.

I can't remember how long I was pondering on why this has happened to me and how long I was crying. Nobody will see me like this so I didn't bother on holding back. Maybe because I was too tired to notice but I drifted off to consciousness.

--

I woke up and glanced at the clock. It was eight in the morning already. I took my mobile phone and rang Alice up.

"_Hello?_" She said groggily.

"I want to help out with the preparations for the wake."

She laughed. I started getting confused. She was sincere about her laugh. Did I miss something here?

"Alice…"

"_Sorry, I thought you were April fooling me. Whose funeral is this? Are you sleep talking also like Bella? She would get hysterical with this!"_

"What?" I couldn't say no more. Bella? She would tell Bella? Is she insane?

"_You are officially insane Edward Cullen._"

"But you said yesterday…" I began to recollect my thoughts. There is no way that I have just dreamt that. I am sure of it.

"_Edward. I told you yesterday that the reservations for the yacht is confirmed and you don't need to worry about it._" She said it like it really happened. Wait. It did. The day before our anniversary, she told me about the confirmation.

Now, I'm really confused. "Alice, what is the date today?"

"_You forgot? How could you forget your fist anniversary? I thought this would only happen to married couples over 20…_"

With that, I think I must be turning crazy but I didn't make that situation up. I didn't dream of it.

The door opened with the fragrance of pancakes and bacon surrounded the room. She smiled at me and went to me.

I dropped my phone in shock. "_Hello? Hello? Edward? I'm going to drop this. Bye!_"

She placed the tray on the bed. She sat on my lap and kissed my cheek. She whispered, "Happy anniversary…"

I pulled her to face me. She smiled and kissed my nose.

I wanted to scream. I am happy but this is insane!

**What the hell just happened?**

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**Whadya think? :)**


	4. Chapter 4: Dream or Reality?

**WOW! I am so glad people are actually reading my stuff!! (Me sheds happy tears! )**

**Okaaay. Enough melodrama, here's the chappie you've all been waiting for. If you want me to update, you know what to do right? If not, well… Just hit that review button for me will yah?**

**Aaand, sorry if I update slow, school is killing me with all its requirements , thesis and projects and our exams is drawing near so I really really need to study :D.**

**One more! Check out my other stories and tell me what you think. Pwetty pwease? **

**(--)**

**There is also one question that you need to answer for me if you think I should continue… **

**Do you like Edward's narration and point of view in my story? **

**As promised, here it goes…**

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**Previous Chapter…**

I dropped my phone in shock. "_Hello? Hello? Edward? I'm going to drop this. Bye!_"

She placed the tray on the bed. She sat on my lap and kissed my cheek. She whispered, "Happy anniversary…"

I pulled her to face me. She smiled and kissed my nose.

I wanted to scream. I am happy but this is insane!

**What the hell just happened?**

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**Chapter 4. Dream or Reality?**

**EPOV**

I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. Could I be that creative to make up a graphic nightmare that scared my ass and wits out of my body? How could I think of her, my angel, as a limp lifeless body? How could I…

My moment of serious pondering she lightly slapped me repeatedly.

"Earth to Eddie Baby… Come in Eddy Baby…" I jumped and because of my reaction she jumped to. I was totally unaware that she was trying to get my attention. Wait? What did she just call me?

"What did you just call me?!" I was puzzled. She knew I never liked being called Eddie. I feel it is so… Well never mind, you would never understand.

She gave a cute pout and gave an innocent look. "What do you want me to call you? Eddie-Weddie? Hmm… Wait! Eddie-Plum. I have a better one! Eddie Pie! So what do you think about−"

That is where I stopped her rambling. I knew she was trying to get my attention. I pulled her close and pressed my lips against hers. As we kissed, I recalled what worries me earlier. How foolish of me! It is all a dream and if not, she shouldn't be here.

I let her settle in my lap. I lightly brushed my nose on her ear lobe. She giggled. I know it was one of her tickle spot. I wrapped my arms around her and let myself feel serene and complete in her presence.

Silence filled our presence.

"Edward…" She started off unsure.

"Yes love?" I remained my eyes closed and let my chin rest on her shoulder.

"I have to go..." She tried to stand up but I held my grip firm so that she couldn't leave.

"I don't want to." I teased her playfully.

"Edward." She started to get annoyed.

"Hmmm?"

"I really have to go, I need to pick up a few things at the store." My eyes snapped open.

"NO!" I nearly shrieked. I pulled her closer to me and I held her tighter.

She raised an eyebrow at me. Her expression was a mixture of surprise, annoyance and most of all, worry.

"No…no…no…" I buried my face on her neck.

"Edward what's wrong? Are you okay?" She shook me. She tilted my chin up and brushed my cheeks softly. It was wet, I didn't notice that tears were flowing freely already.

"Love, please. Don't go." I pleaded, interlocking my hands with hers.

"Edward, what happened? Why are you so scared?" She never let the eye contact between us to break.

"Please. Just do it for me."

She slightly nodded and pulled me towards the pillows. She hugged me, letting me rest at her shoulders. Her arms were wrapped around me, to give me a sense of comfort and security I guess. She was worried but I'm glad she just took my statement understand me. Honestly, I don't know what made me react that way.

I closed my eyes and let myself relax. What should I tell her when she started asking questions? Should I say, _"Bella love, I saw you die of a car accident which I don't know whether it was a dream or reality and now that you're alive, I don't want you to go out and let yourself killed?"_

I smirked. _Yeah. She will believe me for sure, great!_ The voice at the back of my mind retorted.

She started humming a tune. It was my lullaby that I sang to her when she has bad dreams. I guess she's using my own style of comfort to calm me down. I tried to let my mind alert. I wouldn't sleep. The tension is too great. I will just stay here and listen to my angel sing.

--

I woke up groggily. The room is getting dark and the bit of sunlight has been fading slowly. I stared at it for a while.

I stood up reflexively when I thought of Bella.

Why didn't she wake me up?

I made my way down the long staircase.

"Bella? Bella?" I searched everywhere, the kitchen, the living room, the garden and every part of the house where she could possibly stay.

"Where is she?" I said to myself. I took the phone and dialed Alice.

It rang and somebody answered it. The other line was silent so I chose to speak first.

"Alice, do you know where Bella is?"

An uncontrollable sob became my answer.

"What's wrong Alice? Are you hurt? What happened? Answer me please." I began to plead.

**Something is wrong and I knew it or do I?**

"_She's gone. She's gone. She's gone."_ Then her voice broke down and returned to sobbing.

I am confused. What is she talking about?

"Who's gone Alice? Calm down." I tried to comfort her but she was still frantic.

One word made me ran. "_Bella._"

I dropped the phone from my hand. I ran upstairs to get a pair of pant and a shirt. I knew where she is, how could she do this to me?

I ran downstairs and decided that I'm going to sprint to the hospital. I have no time to deal with a stupid cab man, I have to get there quick.

In the streets, I saw that people were staring at me. I wouldn't bother, now isn't the best time. The only person that caught my attention was the old man in the shadows. He was familiar and he was wearing a black hood.

I have no time to stop even though I want his explanation for giving me an antique watch.

I passed the alleyway and I looked back, the old man is gone. I wanted to stop and search for him but I don't have time to ponder why he disappeared so I moved on.

I reached the hospital and entered as fast as I could. The nurses were trying to get my attention, shouting my schedule for the next day. It was so annoying that I ignored them and threw the papers they were trying to show me.

I reached the inner entrance of the emergency room and there I saw Alice. She was curled up and still sobbing.

I stopped and panted heavily. I felt that I am going to collapse but I can't. I looked down and held my knees to keep me from falling. I have to be strong.

A hand was slowly rubbing my back. I glance up, it was my father pain-stricken.

"We did everything that we could…"

I ran inside the emergency room and saw a bed with a body covered with a white blanket.

My tears started to flow freely. I paused. Can I handle this?

I felt my knees give in and I fell on the hospital floor. I didn't lose consciousness, I was just exhausted.

How could I let her do this? I knew this was coming and I didn't do anything! What kind of husband am I? My angel is now lifeless, pale and covered with blood. I didn't protect her like I promised the day we first got together.

I am awful! I've been given a chance to change this but I didn't do anything. Instead, I made myself believe that this is impossible.

I closed my eyes to breathe deeply.

I felt two people trying to stand me up. I opened my eyes, it was Carlisle and Alice.

Using the remaining strength that I have, I stood up. I walked towards the bed slowly.

My heart started to thump irregularly and as I approach, its beating became faster and faster.

I reached the bed and I slowly touched the covers. I am waiting for people to shout, "YOU'VE BEEN PUNKED!" or something like that.

"Edward! Wait!" Alice stopped me. She grabbed my hand away from the covers.

She continued on. "Before you do this, she wanted to give you this…"

She took my hands and placed a leather black book with gold lining on it. It was beautiful.

Why is she giving me a present when my wife just died? Is she joking?

I think she noticed the argument that I have been making in my head. "It is not from me, it is from her."

She made a small pause and glanced at the body covered with white blanket. "Before she died, she told me to give you this. She said she was sorry that she didn't take your advise. She said that she will always love you and she will always be with you."

I began to sob uncontrollably. I am a man but this is too much for me. I just lost the reason of my existence.

I turned to face the bed and lifted the covers.

I stared at it.

There she was, pale and lifeless. Until her dying breath, she was still thinking of me. I caressed her cheek that would never blush for me again, her lips that would never smile again, her eyes that would never twinkle with joy anymore and I would never hear her angelic voice again.

Everything is too much for me.

--

I can't remember how I got here. Maybe Alice had taken me home, I can't honestly remember. I am only aware that I will never let this journal go.

I opened the lamp and sat on a desk and opened the book.

The introduction surprised me, it was in Bella's handwriting.

_My dearest Edward,_

_Let this journal relieve your happiest memories._

_Share your thoughts, your dreams and your plans._

_It will always listen like the way I listen to you._

_I will be here for you always._

_Forever yours,_

_Bella._

I wiped the tears that are starting to stream in my face. I will follow her last wish, I would write here.

I wrote until I felt that my hand is hurt and shaking, until my eyes were too tired to keep themselves open.

After my last entry, I fell asleep.

--

I heard a knock on my door. I fell asleep on my desk.

My heart started to thump erratically. "Bella?"

The door opened. I turned around preparing myself for what I am going to see.

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**So, what do you think? Do you like my version of Edward? Do you like how I present Edward's point of view? **

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	5. Chapter 5: The fullness of emptiness

**I finally knew what happened to Edward. I had no idea for such a long time until I reread the story again. **

**Help me be inspired by reviewing. It keeps my writing ego in check. HAHA! =)**

**August 14, 2009**

"Edward?"

I closed my eyes. Maybe I'll see her again like the last time. I kept my fingers crossed. Excitedly, I opened my eyes.

"Ow." My expectations went down. It is just Alice.

"May I come in?" She hesitantly widened the opening of the door, stuck whether it would be okay to enter or not.

I slightly nodded to give her permission.

"I know this is an idiotic thing to say at a time like this but how are you?" She cupped my hand with both of hers.

I tried to say something but I knew there's nothing more to say. It's a lie if I told her I'm fine and I'm grieving when I'm really not.

Her big round dark brown eyes started to brim with tears. "Edward, let me help you with all of these! You're my brother and I can't bear you being like this. Please."

She started sobbing and her tears flowed continuously. Her eyes started to become puffy and smeared with running mascara.

"There's nothing I can do to fix this so why should I need help? Can you please leave me be Alice? I might not say something good as of the moment and I don't want to start an unnecessary feud with you."

I closed my eyes. I pinched the bridge of my nose to give me a bit of grip on myself. I don't want to cry in front of my sister. Especially, I don't want to risk breaking down and doubt my sanity in the end. I know what happened and what did not happen even though I can't necessarily explain it as of the moment. I felt Alice's hand caress my hair. After a few seconds, I heard a soft thud of the door closing.

I got up and sat on the desk and started writing again.

_August 14, 2009_

_ I saw her yesterday for the second time. I felt revived only to be crushed harder than before. I tried to stop her from leaving but I couldn't. _

_ What's driving me insane is the idea of having a chance that I can possibly hear her, feel her and love her again. What's even worse is that I have no idea on doing so. These chances are often given with a greater purpose that I can conceive but as of the moment, the events are only tipping to my theoretical insanity which is not the case or so I would've thought. _

_ After yesterday, I am engulfed by the feeling of isolation. Nobody can understand me as of the moment but I can't do this alone._

_ I miss her smiles, her voice, even that wrinkle on her nose that appears only when she is teasing me playfully. I love her more than anything in the world, even my whole life. _

_ I can't let her go when I know there's something I can do. _

I watched the minute-hand of the antique pocket watch over and over again. I didn't know how much time I have been taking for granted throughout my lifetime. So much of my life had been wasting away. Those few seconds that should've made the rest of my life was gone.

I can feel a black hole starting to form on my chest. It feels so heavy. I wanted to get things just over with but I am a mere human. I closed my eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up with the sound of something sizzling in the pan. I smell bacon in the air.

It can't be!

I immediately jumped out of my bed. I noticed I was only wearing boxers. Just like what I wore on that "date".

I breathed in deeply before launching another step. I went down the stairs.

My heart dropped.

There she was, wearing my button down white polo, cooking. She was even more beautiful since the last time I saw her. I agape at the fact she was there.

"Heeey. You ruined my surprise! You should've~"

Before she even finished her sentence, I ran to her.

I hugged her tighter than I ever did before.

At that moment, we were infinite.


	6. Chapter 6: Holding on

**Guys, you haven't been reviewing. :c I want to hear your thoughts and reactions. But I want you guys to know that I am absolutely thankful that you're reading my story. To be honest, I'm trying to find my mojo back. I haven't been writing for so long, here and in my personal life.**

**I'm now in college to be a writer but it seems that I have lost my soul. So I'm putting all my energy here to find my way back to my dream.**

**Enjoy! All disclaimers are applied. c:**

**P.S. Listen to this. .com/watch?v=xJHWuhSGs4g It's called tightrope by Paul Freeman. Please listen to this while reading the chapters.**

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**August 14, 2011: Holding on.**

How long are you going to be with me again?

She's there again in front of me. I rested my head on my hand. I just watched her bring a slice of her pancake to her luscious lips. Her chest heaved slowly.

For the past couple of days (though technically it's only a day), I feel like fate is toying with me. Taking away someone who means everything to you, giving it back in order to be taken away is not a good position to be into.

"Edward, are you okay?" Her brown eyes stared through my soul.

I felt my heart sank. "I'm fine. Don't worry."

I gave her a small smile. Her frown became bigger. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." I tried to laugh but it sounds so forced to me.

"I'm just trying to figure out why am I so lucky to deserve someone like you…" I got up and stood behind her. I wrapped my hands around her. I kissed the top of her hair. I slowly inhaled her scent, the scent of freesias that I will never forget.

"I'm sorry for all the wrong that I have ever done to you. I don't know why I am lucky enough to have you when all I do is nothing." A tear that I tried so hard to hide, fell. I must admit that I am weak. I am not giving up but after all this time, I haven't done anything right for her.

She turned around and cupped my face. "Edward, don't say that. Whatever you did or you will do, it is forgiven and will be forgiven. All things happen for a reason. Don't be so hard on yourself."

She kissed my forehead then cupped my face again. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Don't you ever forget that okay?"

This is the first time I have seen her so serious, sincere and stern. "I love you Mrs. Cullen."

"I love you too Mr. Cullen, forever and always."

I took out from my pocket the emerald necklace that I was supposed to give her tonight. It has a one and a half circular emerald surrounded by tiny diamonds dangling under the four strings of white pearls held everything together forming a choker.

She gasped and turned around. She held her hair up to let me put the necklace on her. I opened the clasp then placed it on her neck.

"Happy anniversary Love." I whispered on her ear. I embraced her lightly.

She turned around and kissed me. The kiss we shared at the time was pure love. There was no intense passion that we often do, lust, want and all other things. It was something way deeper. It came something from within. This is the kiss that can only describe the enormous love we have for each other. This is the kind of kiss that we only dream about but rarely have.

After some time, she pulled out of the kiss. Her eyes were brimming. "I love you."

I pecked her nose playfully. "I love you more."

"Why are we so emotional today? It's your fault. We're acting out of character all of a sudden! We're so sappy! My god!" She said as she was wiping her tears.

"We're just overwhelmed Love. That's all. It's our anniversary. We're exempted from the norm today right?" I chuckled.

"Let's just enjoy each other today okay? I'm going to take a bath first then let's have a movie marathon okay?"

"You're not planning to go out later?" I can feel my heart pounding. I'm sure that if she says yes, I know what will happen next, after two experiences sadly.

She smiled, stood up and went her way to the stairs.

I can't take the suspense anymore. I ran after her. "BELLA!"

She turned around and laughed. "I was planning to but I'd rather spend entire day with just you."

There I was, at the bottom of the stairs, dumbfounded. Am I actually doing things right? Does that mean she won't die and we'll grow old together?

She took three steps going up before turning around asking, "Well, aren't you coming?" She winked.

I smirked. "Of course I'm going! Dinner at seven okay, don't forget about that."

She laughed. Her laughter is the sweetest sound of celebration that I am having in my head. I held her hand.

We ran to the bathroom like there's no tomorrow.

Our laughter is still ringing in my ears.

Afterwards, we curled up in the couch with a blanked and watched "Up". It was her pick. We're trying to keep things light for a while which means trying to get our hands off one another and just enjoy the company. We've noticed that we're incredibly energetic and excited today so we're saving them for tonight.

It feels a bit ironic that the guy lost his wife on the first part of the story. I felt his loss for once, I have been in that position.

I held on my wife tighter. Her head was resting on my chest, our fingers interlaced. She was breathing calmly. I kissed the topped of her head and with that, I closed my eyes and slept. I finally got the sleep that I needed after a long time.

"Edward? Edward? Wake up."

I opened my eyes and saw her putting her earrings on. "Good morning sleepyhead. Sorry to wake you from your peaceful slumber but we have dinner at seven right? It's half past five already."

I stood up and gave her a smack. "Of course Love. I'll be ready soon."

I sprinted to our room and took my best tux. I dressed up and finished preparing myself by the time it's a quarter past six already.

I called out. "Love, are you ready?"

Bella went out of the bathroom wearing a black one shouldered sleeveless cocktail dress that hugged her curves in every great way possible. Her hair was up in a messy bun. Her eyes were a bit smoky, and her lips were of plum color.

She smiled. "Ready as ever."

She blushed. I can't help but go to her and kiss her.

I don't know what if I should do what I'm doing but I think maybe, just maybe, I'm finally doing things right.

**I don't know what I'm doing but I think maybe, just maybe, I'm finally doing things right.**

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**Click on the review button my loves. 3**


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